December 6th

Dear Colby,
Wow! It's been three years since I last saw your handsome, contagious smile. I love you so much! I miss you so much. Losing you doesn't infeast my every thought anymore, I have healed some, but I will never stop loving you. It's hard to write this letter... I'm doing it through tender tears of remembrance and reflection.


This was the last night we had you. This picture was taken about 7 hours before I buckled you into your carseat for the last time and watched, and cried as you were driven away from me forever. I will never forget that day, I will never forget those last days. You are an amazing little boy.

So much has happened since you left. Your big sister still talks about you often, lucky for Dad and I she doesn't do it EVERY day still, but she loves to look at your picture books and tell Zander all about you. That's right, you have a little brother. I wish you were here to meet him, he is such a strong and happy little boy. He has a contagious smile and laugh just like you did. You would love exploring our back yard, there is a whole acre out there for you kids. I can't even imagine all the fun you would have, I'm sure I would never truly understand the "games" you would play.

We are healing. Everyday we are healing. I've been on edge the last week or so, the smallest thing will set me off, not at Lynnie or Zander, I've held them a little closer the last week, but with everyone else. I hate how this first week of Decemeber throws me for a loop, it does it to your Dad too. We still have a hard time handeling this week, we do it without even putting it together until exactly on the 6th, then we realize why we have been in a cranky fog for the last week :)

I pray for you every day. I know that your little life hasn't been easy. It breaks my heart that your birthfather has been (and might still be) back in jail. I hate that you have to deal with his addictions your whole life. But I want you to know that you are loved so much! I can't tell you in words how much we have always and will always love you.



As I said we are healing. We know that with you still in our home we probably never would have adopted Zander. And he is 100% our little boy, he belongs here, just as much as you did. He loves us so much and we love him even more. You would have made an amazing big brother. It breaks my heart that you will never be with your big sister and little brother, but I know that it all happened for some reason. It is my Faith in Jesus Christ that reminds me that we are never given anything we can't handle. I know that you were placed in our home for those tender 17 months for a reason, you were taken for a reason. Just because I have faith in that doesn't mean I will ever understand it all. But one thing I know for sure, I will never stop loving you!

Love,
Mom